oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
