Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
