You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
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You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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