I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
