Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
