I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
