grandma shit on top of the toilet
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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