It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
