the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
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It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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