does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
time to smoke my breakfast
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
