Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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