Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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