my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
