So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
