If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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