I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
