i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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