this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
