What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
