As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
