I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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