Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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