I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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