I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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