You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
