he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
