i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Holy sore nipples Batman
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
