tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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