You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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