I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets