i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
