I'm eating all of the evidence.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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