just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
