do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
