Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
