Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
