I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
