i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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