please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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