I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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