why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
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She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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