tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
