Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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