i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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