Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
