I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
