just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
