dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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