I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
