I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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