two words: eviction party
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
