If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
