Swine flu. Run for my life!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
