sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
