ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
