I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
