My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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