I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i came on her dog
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
