I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
