dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
